Thursday, December 29, 2011

It's been too long

I feel so bad, it's been forever since I have posted....

I guess the truth is, I have been avoiding my own blog. Our homestudy is well under way, and every time I think about it, all of my fears resurface, and I can hardly bear it. Everyday I wonder if we will succeed, how we will raise the funds, if we will ever be approved. It seems so impossible, and to think that one day we could be a family with a child of our own just seems so out of reach that even thinking about it seems silly.

I guess you want to know how our home study is coming along....I'd like to say great, but our last visit left me concerned. Our worker is amazing, easy to talk to, and so sweet. It isn't her, it's us. I can see that she has some concerns about our finances, and she is also concerned with the fact that we are the youngest adoptive parents that she has met with. She admitted that to us. She then began talking about domestic adoption and how financially it would work better for us. From the way she spoke of it, I worry that she will approve us for domestic and not for international...if this is the case, i doubt i will proceed. Domestic adoption is just not in our hearts, for a large variety of reasons, it's just not for us.

So i have been feeling rather pained lately when i think of adoption, or homestudies, or my blog. To say it hurts writing this is an understatement. I feel like i am ruining our chances with each homestudy meeting, and i can only just watch the light get dimmer and dimmer.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Too cool dinnerware!

Another stuff post!

I was browsing about today and stumbled upon the cutest finds ever for babies eating hour!

First i came across the CUTEST thing ever. A runway bib and airplane spoon that light up! HOW CUTE! I can pretty much hear you going aaawwww right now. I am too. And it is only 14.99 at

This set by Skip Hop is so cute. Its 12 bucks on amazon

A train? Trust me it belongs in this dinnerware post. Notice anything on the wheels? Yes! A fork! This train comes apart and becomes an entire dinnerware set. It is quite possibly the coolest thing i have ever seen, and thus, is a must buy! Its called FunWares Chew-Chew Train Place Setting and is 16 bucks on amazon.

I love this set, however i think it's pretty pricey. Like 5-10 dollars per piece. Its the vintage alphabet dishware.

This ones my second fav. Sold by Its about 17 bucks

Innobaby din din stainless steel bus plate retails for 17 bucks at Gotta have some stainless steel ( I love stainless steel :P )

Reed & Barton Zoom Zoom 2-Piece Baby Flatware Set which is pretty pricey but so cute. Its 25 bucks for the set.

To go with the rest of the stainless steel/silver stuff, i would choose this cup by Lisa Jenks Baby, sold on amazon for about 12 bucks! Its pretty darn cute!

Adoption class 1/5

So yesterday we attended our adoption class, it was our first day out of five days. It was awesome, the people are fantastic. It was so interesting to learn about all of the different countries everyone is adopting from. We are the only Congo bound parents! I have to admit i was a teeny tiny bit disappointed in that. I was hoping to connect with someone who was going through exactly what I was or even someone who was ahead of me in the journey so i could get an idea of what to expect. Currently I don't have any congo mommies to talk to. I tried to befriend one on facebook, I have been following her blog, but she didn't accept I am on my own for now!

When i first got to the class ( we were SO early ) we started noticing that as more and more couples came in that we were the youngest. I admit it had me feeling a little out of place. Most seemed rather established as they were in their late 30s or even older! ( I am 25, but i am constantly told that i look far younger than that ) We got a few stares, but once people got to know us they realized that we weren't a couple of crazy kids, acting on whim, we are serious and passionate about our adoption and want this just as much as they do. I can't even speak enough about how lovely the people were, I definitely don't mind doing another 4 classes with them!

We also talked to the social workers about some of our fears and worries. What a relief to have them calm our doubts. ( Doubts about ourselves, not our adoption ) I finally have begun to feel like this is truly going to happen for us. We are going to finally get the chance to become parents. We CAN and WILL do this!

Monday, October 31, 2011

Worst day of my life.

I have cried until i ran out of tears....I can't even write about it today. All i can do is post these lyrics to a song I keep listening to.

I can't win, I can't reign
I will never win this game
Without you, without you
I am lost, I am vain,
I will never be the same
Without you, without you

I won't run, I won't fly
I will never make it by
Without you, without you
I can't rest, I can't fight
All I need is you and I
Without you

Without you
Oh, oh, oh!
You! You! You!
You! You! You!
Without you

Can't erase, so I'll take blame
But I can't accept that we're estranged

Without you, without you
I can't quit now, this can't be right
I can't take one more sleepless night
Without you, without you

I won't soar, I won't climb
If you're not here, I'm paralyzed
Without you, without you
I can't look, I'm so blind
I lost my heart, I lost my mind
Without you

Without you
Oh, oh, oh!
You! You! You!
You! You! You!
Without you

I am lost, I am vain,
I will never be the same
Without you, without you
Without you

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Life is stinky.

I feel sick to my stomach.

Quite possibly the home study lady is going to want to come to start it this week or next and we....are just not ready. Mentally yes....but our home, NO. Don't worry we are not slobby slobs, its just that our spare room --> '
babies room- hehe' is something of a disaster zone. We have been using it as our 'everything room' for awhile now, and currently it is our gym room with an elliptical and bow flex machine, and our computer. You cant move in this room. It's really that bad. I have been desperately trying to sell our stuff on Craigslist, i keep having semi-interested buyers who are just wasting my time...i am a breath away from telling them to just take it all off of my hands at no charge! I just wanted the room to be empty, slightly more prepared looking. I know they say it doesn't matter to the social worker, i just want to be able to walk in the room, and imagine our baby living in it. Maybe that sounds crazy, but it's important to me. I also can't help my stomach tightening in fear every time i think about showing someone this room!

My stomach has been in knots all day as i have tried so SO desperately to sell some of this, and still nothing. I just want it gone so bad. I am so tired of being at a standstill. To make matters worse, my chihuahua has been peeing everywhere for some reason and the floor is totally corroded and it STINKS. I feel like we are way too disgusting to become parents. We can't even fix the floor until someone buys all of this junk, taking up all our space! ARGH! I cringe imagining the social worker stepping on this mess of a floor and smelling the odor that is trapped within the room.

Thus, we are not ready. I need to sell off everything in the room. DUMP buckets of cleaner on the floor. Tear out the floor, put in new floor, and THEN, have the social worker come. I just want to have things
perfect, ready and odor free.

Life never turns out that way though does it. Life is imperfect, unprepared and stinky.

I feel to sick to post french words today.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Bottles and stuff oh my!

Oh you love it! Who doesn't love a good STUFF post!!!! Only a crazy person i say!

Today i have been hunting down....BOTTLES!
I for one totally despise the look of those little ugly plastic bottles, you know those colorful ones. I don't hate color, i just hate bottles, they look cheap, and ugly.
Glass bottles also terrify me...i mean, what if baby drops them O.o

Stainless steel my friends, stainless, steel. I am so happy i stumbled upon this. Not only are they better for the environment and baby, but they also look SO DARN COOL. I love em. Love love love em. I don't even care that they cost a small fortune, i'll just buy two and make due!

First we have these klean kanteen ones. Purchase on ebay for i think like 14-16 per 12 oz bottle. But come'on, they look amazing!

Then we have ECO baba. Which are 33.90 for 2 12 oz bottles. You can buy them at Also super super fab

Then we have this one which I LOVE. Its so cute right? Its 11 bucks, on's only 4oz though. But whatever, it would be good to have a smaller one anyway.

Also organickidz makes it in this adorable blue shade as a 9oz bottle!

Last but totally not least we have this one. Which is super affordable....It is 12 ounces, 10 bucks, on ebay. LOVE IT.

I think ill buy two of each after all! Who knows. But i am definitely buying one of each. I love that the green canteen is also a sippy cup! If i bought one of each that would be 60 bucks in total. Totally doable to have the most amazing bottle collection ever!

Also while i was browsing bottles i also found the perfect tub! Since our little guy will most likely be sitting up all by himself, we don't need a baby bath, but we do want something to put him in, both to conserve water and for safety. We stumbled upon the flexi bath folding travel tub. I like the white shade.

You can find this virtually anywhere, amazon, for 39 bucks! pretty good right! There are also images of a red one floating around! Which i would totally opt for if i could find it.

Also i have been taking a gander at cribs...well more than a gander, i have been looking at cribs nonstop. I am totally lusting after a modern crib with strong lines. However they are all so DANG expensive. I can't be so choosy, but i am hellbent on getting a modern looking crib like this for my nursery. I am just going to have to check craigslist every single day and hope that one pops up! I am not particular with the model, it just has to be ebony, black and it has to have strong lines. I LOVE the neo crib by AP industries, but as it's 700 dollars, the only way i will be buying it is if it pops up on craigslist. I will be keeping my eye out for any similar cribs!

And thats all the stuff for today. Thank god i still have a good year or more to figure all this out, i am going to need that year at the pace i am going. I have only picked out bottles and a bathtub, in an entire week!!!

Bonnie Nuit

A blah day

I know you probably know what i am talking about right now. A blah day. I am sure we all have them. Those days where we just don't feel settled, and seem to waste the day away out of sheer boredom. I don't get many Blah days, and when i do i get highly highly moody and depressed. I HATE, loathe, and detest feeling as though i just crapped away a perfectly good day that could have been used on wiser activities. Only now at the end of a very long, cranky boring and unproductive day am I finally getting stuff done. Why do i always find a million things to do at bedtime?

It is so extra frustrating because I have a ton to do. With adoption, friends, school housecleaning, husband, dogs, I am sure I could have found something...but nope, i did nothing today. I could have gotten so much done today, which makes me even more upset and just makes the blah day worse.

Ah, vicious circles, I do love thee.

So...I am obviously no further on my adoption journey then I was yesterday...but i guess I better get used to this feeling because eventually waiting is all i will have to do. ( So this is what the dreaded wait feels like?! )

Well i can always practice my french. Which is really hard for me since I have no capacity for languages that are not English. In one ear and out the other. So i really want to learn as much as I can before my trip. Today I am majorly practicing the simple art of saying both Good evening and Good night.

Good Evening- Bonsoir !

Good Night- Bonne nuit !
Bohn nwee

My husband hates me already, as I keep repeating this words to him. Haha. Maybe he will learn some French in the process!

Friday, October 28, 2011


Just wanted to post a couple of 'must have' purchases that i need to make in the future.

I am in love with this diaper bag. It usually comes with the stokke xplory stroller, but you can buy it separately in various online websites for about 100-115 bucks. This will be my go-to bag!

First I have had my eye one two very special slings. The first sling I have lusted after since I saw Keri Russel with her first son. It is by New Native in light blue and it is about 40 bucks! Well worth it. A sling is a total must buy for anyone adopting a baby, it will enable you to keep baby close to your heart at all times, a great attachment tool indeed!

Second, I also love the slings by little star. In Black. I think it would mostly be for my husband so that he could also carry around baby without feeling fruity in the light blue shade.

My next 'must' purchase is my beloved BOB revolution stroller in black/tan - or red...i haven't confirmed my color choice yet. I just know that we only have room for one stroller in our little condo, and a jogging stroller it shall be! It's truly the best of all worlds. I am going to try to find this stroller on craigslist for about 200-300 bucks, because it's just too expensive brand new.

I am PRETTY sure that this is going to be the 'high chair' i am going to get- The Minui Handysitt. Mostly because it takes up such little room, is attractive AND most of all- affordable, i saw one on craigslist for 60 bucks the other day! I have been drawn to things that take up as little room as possible these days. When you live in a tiny condo like i do, such measures must be taken.

Last thing i have got my eye on is the stokke tripp trapp highchair. I really have my heart set on a wooden chair and so far this is the only one i found that i like the look of, it's more along the simple side...however it costs a pretty penny! Itll be 150-200 USED. Pretty expensive if you ask me! There is another wood high chair i have been looking's only like 30 bucks, its a commercial high chair, for restaurants and stuff. I just worry because it looks so basic that it almost doesnt look safe. Sigh who would have known finding simple looking classic furniture was nearly impossible.

Thursday, October 27, 2011


Today I realized how lucky I am in life.

I am surrounded by such incredible love. I am constantly surprised by all the love that I encounter everyday, I am going to try to make a solid effort to not forget these amazing gestures that i have been shown.
The last of my references was sent out today, by my best friend. I am so impressed with my references writers....they all send out the letters within a week. They knew what it meant to me and didn't want to hold me up. I will never forget what they did for ME. I was so afraid i would have difficulty with some of them, not because they don't want to write it, but because some of them are procrastinators, or are just plain busy in life.

I am so blessed, I can not even be able to describe it. I may have ovaries that don't always do what they were supposed to, but you know what? I am glad. Without that, i wouldn't have been given the gift to experience this incredible journey, and grow so much closer to those around me, and see just how much they have supported me so far in this journey. I have good health, amazing family and friends, and a bright future with a son in it! :p!

I learned yesterday that my sisters best friends sister has contracted necrotizing fasctiitis- Aka, flesh eating disease, HOW HORRIBLE! Not to mention she was diagnosed with cancer a few years back. Poor girl. It's so mind blowing how fortunate I really am, and how easily I forget how fortunate I am. Please send your prayers to my sisters best friends sister - Julia- for a speedy recovery!

My french words that I have going so far, I am just going to keep going with these ones as I feel I haven't learned enough to move on!
Bonsoir- Good Evening
Bonne Nuit- Good Night
Merci beacoup- Thank you very much
sil vous plait- - Please

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

African Culture

How will I preserve my child's culture? This question should be, How WONT I? Besides having him maintain his lovely lovely language of French...I shall cook him divine meals from his country on a weekly basis. I will be bugging my family to buy me this precious cookbook among other congo books from for christmas

There are many many cookbooks, not just for congo but for other african dishes. However this one was the best for 'congo' recipes that I could find.
This website also has tons of recipes listed for free, and I know if I did some research I could probably find more from any recipe website.

I will be attending cultural events, festivals, drumming or dancing workshops, movies about Africa and so many other things. Vancouver is such a diverse place to live and I am so lucky our son would have access to so much of his culture due to all of the many outlets Vancouver has in place...from the African peace festival, to Drumming workshops to African art exhibits to African markets and symphony's....there will be no shortage of cultural happenings in the life of our child. I also found this AMAZING meetup group, they find all the latest events and then you can meetup with them. So that will be good to, meet up with like minded people interested in African culture. For all you Vancouver adopting mommas check them out and JOIN!

Hopefully I will also be able to get in touch with some Vancouver moms adopting from Africa...if you are one, drop me a line in the comment box...I would love to meet up and share frustrations!

I will also be sharing music and movies from my sons country with him. As well as keeping up to date with the latest news and happenings in his country. This website is amazing and does all of those things and more. The live tv and radio on that site is pretty much the coolest thing ever!
This is where I will go to find movies relating to congo/Africa:

There are so many ways to keep the culture alive in your child, I am mystified that this would even be an issue. Simply typing in 'congo' into EBAY yields hundreds of congo made or congo styled wares to purchase. The options are limitless. I think I am going to have more fun exploring his culture then he actually will. I have already been watching youtube videos of the Congo soccer team! Heheehe.

If any of you have found any neat congo websites/ resources/ anything please spread the word and let me know!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The purse-less wonder and the Registration Package.

Bonsoir!- That means good evening, in french! You see, I AM learning.

So guess what? Our registration package is on it's way to our agency as I type this very post. Stuff is really happening- I just hope we did everything correctly. It was A TON of stuff to put together- it almost didn't fit the GIANT envelope we bought for it. My husband and I decided we were going to finish it today NO MATTER WHAT. It took us all day, but, we got er done! We also sent the application off to agency number 2. I can't believe after several weeks of writing our autobiographies, to gathering all this crazy paperwork and creating family trees, finally, finally, we are done!!! It feels incredible to have finished 3-4 days before we had intended to, originally i thought we would finish it on Wed or Thursday! Hopefully we can keep up these quick amazing would it be to have our baby home super fast too, like next Christmas perhaps? One can dream!

I am just SO HAPPY. We are closer to the home study. Closer to our son. I can't wait till the day that i first have him in my arms. Gosh it is going to be an incredible feeling, becoming a mommy at last and knowing that all the years of waiting, praying and hoping have finally amounted to something.

We got super lucky today with the post. The delivery truck was super late and ended up taking the post just as we sent off ours! How lucky is that! So instead of our letter going out first thing Tuesday- it is going out Monday evening. What a
bonsoir ( what a good Does that even work? Probably not...but at least I am getting more french practice! )

I also hope our secondary agency doesn't think we are weirdos, as they asked for one photo and i sent...3! Whoops. I couldn't decide on one, and the post office was about to close. One photo we are wearing sunglasses, but we look so parental in sunglass wearing parents of course. The other is a good close up shot of us...but i worried it was too close up, and hubby was sporting glasses yet again *sigh * ...the last one we are enjoying a delicious brownie....however the shot feels too far away. So i just sent them all! A little of everything...the more the merrier, right?

Anyway I should be heading off to bed as the lack of sleep is really turning me into a basket case. I left my purse on the floor at the post office!
Who does that! Luckily my husband and I had been lingering in the shoppers attached to the post office for a solid hour afterwards, as the woman from the post office recognized me as she was leaving for the day....I probably wouldn't have noticed that I was purse-less until the very next morning. That would have been tragic.

Before I float off to dream of my future adventures in the Congo a year or more from now; here are my 2 other french words to practice all day tmw as well as keeping up with Bonsoir (bong-swaah) and Bonne Nuit ( Bohn en-wee );

S'il vous plait !- PLEASE
Seel voo pleh

Merci ! Thankyou and Merci beaucoup !- THANK YOU VERY MUCH
Mehrsee bohkoo

Bonne nuit! ( Good night. )

Monday, October 24, 2011

French Lesson 1

bi-weekly I am going to post some important french words that I must master for my trip to the congo! I know i could always just go site to site and find words, but i will remember to actually do it if it's posted up here on my blog.

Starting of course with mostly the bare basics:

Bonjour !- Hello
bonsoir- Good evening
Merci beaucoup- Thank you very much or just Merci for Thank you
S'il vous plait - Please
De rien- You are welcome
Au revoir- Goodbye
Bonne Nuit- Good night
Pardon - Excuse me
C'est combien ?- How much is it
A tout à l'heure - See you later
Parlez-vous anglais ? do you speak english
Je ne parle pas le Français- I don't speak french
Je ne comprends pas.- I dont understand
Vite- Hurry
Au secours !- Help
Pouvez-vous nous prendre en photo ?- Could you take our picture
Pouvez-vous nous filmer ?- Could you film us

Sunday, October 23, 2011


So, I have a confession...this is actually my
third adoption embarrassing! Third time is the charm though, right?

My first adoption blog began about 2 years ago, when i was considering adopting from Ethiopia. However, that did not I began a new, second adoption blog about 2 months ago since the old Ethiopia one felt slightly dated. Anyhoo....i forgot the email my second blog, and also the password and have tried to recover it for a week. I had to wipe and recover my entire computer last week so all my saved emails were lost in the struggle, there was nowhere to even begin searching for my old email, so sadly i had to move on to blog number 3.

Owell, life moves on. I am kind of liking the wild Zebra glam on this new blog! It fits my personality much better then the old shabby chic blog that I had last.
Enough about blogs, and more about what this blog is about! Adoption!- My husband and I are adopting, from the CONGO!- The DRC. We are over the moon with joy over our impending arrival! We started this joyous journey about 2 months back, and we are very close to getting to finally begin our HOMESTUDY, Ahh! I can't wait to begin.

The homestudy is usually enough to strike fear into the hearts of every adopting mommy out there, however it only strikes excitement into mine! The sooner we do our home study, the sooner we are approved, and the sooner we are approved the sooner we become a family! I am a wee bit nervous about getting approved, but besides our finances- (which are not the best)- we make pretty amazing candidates for adoption if I do say so myself. We have no children- oodles of time, love and patience, we are educated in the ways of adoption ( I mean I
have been studying for it for about 2 years now- yikes! ) we have a nice home, food on the table, the babies closet is already stocked full of clothes- gah! I know I am so bad, baby clothes are just so SO cute! So besides that one teeny tiny teeny thing regarding finances, i am sure we will be A'ok. Of course today i am feeling VERY positive for some reason...tomorrow i may be on here whining about my fears. I am not emotionally unstable, i am just....'pregnant on paper'- these are what i like to call my 'pregnancy' hormones raging.

Anyway a little bit more about our adoption.

We are seeking boy. Why? We just want a boy. Personal preference. We are not sexist, we just see ourselves with a son and always have. Since we will probably only be able to afford this once and once alone, we are being a little particular with what we want.
We are seeking baby under 12 mo. Why? Because we can probably only afford this journey once, we want to experience all that parenthood has to offer, so we are asking for as young as we can get.

Well that about sums it up for what we are seeking...well almost. We had to fill out a huge sheet of paper about what we would and would not accept in a baby for our application- it was very odd- and kind of heartbreaking to check 'no' on so many things- which sadly, we did. I am not a horrible or fussy person, but if you could pick a reasonably healthy baby wouldn't you? Who would sign up for a lifetime of heartache as you tend to a sickly baby? I think we have had our fair share of heartache already. We ended up selecting that we would consider a baby with a correctable illness and poor eyesight and a couple of other very minor things including malnourished-which probably all the babies in the congo are anyway.

A little info about where we currently are in this journey, we have completed our application for our first and second agency ( I just have to
MAIL the application to the second agency and to do that i need to send a photo of my husband and myself...which is proving...quite difficult. One of us always seems to look a little strange ) and we have been gathering all of the necessary documents to begin our home study, medical forms, criminal checks, family tree, autobiography, questionnaire forms, harassing my reference writers, you name it!
We have gathered everything except for my blood work and a prior contact check <--- whatever that is. Hopefully we will be officially done and ready to send it off come Wed or Thursday! Once they get that in I believe only then may we start our home study! We also have classes to attend starting in November, every single Wednesday night. I don't know if we have to finish the class before we can begin our home study or if we can start it before. In the meantime we have to read a whole ton of stuff before our class begins.

Life is intense right now- I have begun to question if I will ever experience that chill waiting period all the adopting moms go through, It would be nice to have more time to plan and dream and blog. Between school, work, adoption, husband, friends and family I don't know how i even have time to do this blog. The only reason I am doing it, is to both bring awareness to adoptions, and the congo, to keep my family updated, and to have something for myself, to look back on when this crazy journey is over....and when the even crazier journey of mother hood finally begins.