Sunday, October 30, 2011

Life is stinky.

I feel sick to my stomach.

Quite possibly the home study lady is going to want to come to start it this week or next and we....are just not ready. Mentally yes....but our home, NO. Don't worry we are not slobby slobs, its just that our spare room --> '
babies room- hehe' is something of a disaster zone. We have been using it as our 'everything room' for awhile now, and currently it is our gym room with an elliptical and bow flex machine, and our computer. You cant move in this room. It's really that bad. I have been desperately trying to sell our stuff on Craigslist, i keep having semi-interested buyers who are just wasting my time...i am a breath away from telling them to just take it all off of my hands at no charge! I just wanted the room to be empty, slightly more prepared looking. I know they say it doesn't matter to the social worker, i just want to be able to walk in the room, and imagine our baby living in it. Maybe that sounds crazy, but it's important to me. I also can't help my stomach tightening in fear every time i think about showing someone this room!

My stomach has been in knots all day as i have tried so SO desperately to sell some of this, and still nothing. I just want it gone so bad. I am so tired of being at a standstill. To make matters worse, my chihuahua has been peeing everywhere for some reason and the floor is totally corroded and it STINKS. I feel like we are way too disgusting to become parents. We can't even fix the floor until someone buys all of this junk, taking up all our space! ARGH! I cringe imagining the social worker stepping on this mess of a floor and smelling the odor that is trapped within the room.

Thus, we are not ready. I need to sell off everything in the room. DUMP buckets of cleaner on the floor. Tear out the floor, put in new floor, and THEN, have the social worker come. I just want to have things
perfect, ready and odor free.

Life never turns out that way though does it. Life is imperfect, unprepared and stinky.


I feel to sick to post french words today.

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