February...
is this the month that my son is going to be born? If everything with our adoption goes smoothly ( fingers crossed ) our son could be here before christmas, which means...he could be being born this very month.
The thought overwhelms me. On one hand, its amazing to think that somewhere out there, he is already alive, the little guy who will change our lives, who will be a part of them until the day we die is a million miles a way, in Africa, not yet knowing of us, or of anything that awaits him in the future.
On the other hand, it's devestating to think of what situation he might be facing, or will be facing until the 1-2 years when we finally hold him in our arms. Obviously he is going to have to face something major that will land him in an orphange, where he will then have to face many more dangers before he can come home safetly to us. I worry about how hungry he could be, how lonely, and how we are ready for him right now, but we have to wait, while he suffers in an orphange.
I see my nephew, who is a few months old, with his new clothes, his full tummy and a mom devoted to caring for his every need, and also able to care for his every need. He has more toys then he shall ever need , a clean bum in an expensive cloth diaper, thousands of photographs documenting his young life.
And somewhere out there is my son. Alone hungry and afraid. With nothing to his name, perhaps nothing even on his body. It breaks my heart more than i can say.
All i can do is wait, until the day when i don't have to.
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